13 Reasons Why Old Souls Struggle to Find Love
By LonerWolf
December 30, 2016
I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.
— Haruki Murakami, (Norwegian Wood)
One of the greatest problems that Old Souls ever face in this life, is finding love.
What
sets Old Souls apart from others is their deeper level of maturity or
wisdom, and with this wisdom comes the need to live and love
authentically.
But as you’ve probably already discovered, the
problem with most relationships is that they’re established to avoid
loneliness, create comfort or security, or gain some sense of
self-worth.
In other words, many relationships are based
on playing ego-centered “games,” just like the ones we see on TV and in
films. People thrive on the drama. People believe that they “need”
another person to fill an empty hole inside of them. But something
within you thirsts for a deeper level of love beyond the melodrama and
lust.
The truth is, you yearn deep down for that which you’ve never (or
rarely) experienced before: a relationship that is intense but healthy,
devoted but free, supportive but not smothering.
You crave for honesty, authenticity, passion, empathy, true love, sincerity, and depth. You want to be seen, heard, understood, valued, and loved for who you are. And you want to express the same towards someone else.
My first relationship happened in my early twenties, with Luna.
Up until that point in my life, I didn’t feel that any person matched
my intensity of love, even after traveling through countless countries
and meeting hundreds of people.
Over the years workings with many Old Souls
I’ve come to realize that many others experience this exact same
problem: the inability to find, or form, a truly fulfilling
relationship.
Here are some of the main reasons why finding love as an Old Soul is so difficult:
1) We want love that is authentic
We
want to be in a relationship that encourages and celebrates mutual
authenticity. We don’t want to hide, pretend, suppress or change who we
are in any way. We don’t want to find someone that doesn’t mind “putting
up” with us, but rather, encourages us to “put forth” our truest and
most authentic selves to be completely embraced.
2) We want love that teaches us
Instead
of criticizing or rejecting us, we crave for someone who will point out
where we’re going wrong, or ways that we need grow. Deep down, we
realize that we will always have more to learn (Socrates once said “True
wisdom is knowing that you know nothing”). It can be argued that all
love affairs teach us, but they usually teach us unconsciously as a
byproduct of suffering. Conscious teaching, on the other hand, is rare,
precious and hard to find.
3) We’re healers but we don’t want to “fix” anyone
Due
to our nature, we tend to attract people who are looking for help. But
while our natural response is to offer help, we realize that entering a
relationship in order to “fix” the other person is unwise. We don’t want
to be the 24/7 doctors or counselors of our partners; we want to find
someone who is in a similar place to us.
4) We have complex personalities
We think a lot, see deeply into the nature of reality and have intense personalities.
It’s hard to find a person who can understand or match our complex
identities. Having depth and seeking truth in a society that values
materialistic status, objects, and superficial appearance can intimidate
most people from getting to know us.
5) We want love that is beyond “liking”
We
want fierce, uncompromising, genuine, deep love. In today’s world, most
people throw around the word “love” as if it were synonymous
with “like,” such as, “I love this ice cream/this pair of shoes.”
“Like” has no commitment. One day you like one flavor, the next day you like another.
Love
is different. While liking is superficial, love is penetrating. While
“liking” something is admiring its exterior form (and letting everyone
know what that says about you), love is seeing past the exterior form
and adoring the Soul.
6) We want love that is vulnerable
Being
compatible at a personality level is simply not enough. True love is
not liking someone or sharing their same interests, but instead is
willingly opening up one’s heart and Soul — even if it hurts.
It
is through the willingness to be vulnerable that wounds open, are given
air, and heal. It is through vulnerability that we experience courage
and the ability to love unconditionally.
7) We want commitment and effort
Love
constantly needs to be nurtured, like the embers of a burning fire.
Words are empty when they aren’t followed by action. As Old Souls, we
know that real love can only be shown through shared experiences,
effort, and dedication.
8) We want love rooted in wholeness
The
moment your happiness depends on another person, you lose your freedom
to love out of choice. We want a partner who is happy and whole by
themselves so that we can share that wholeness with them. When people
enter a relationship out of a sense of “neediness” because they feel
incomplete or fear being lonely, the relationship is doomed. As Old
Souls, we realize that healthy relationships are rooted in inner
happiness.
9) We won’t settle for anything less than Soulmate love
Old
Souls find it difficult to settle for comfort, lust, superficial
attraction, security, or “keeping each other company.” We need someone
who will share our values and be a true spiritual companion. We thirst
for Soulmate and Twin Flame love.
10) We don’t enjoy the “Dating Game”
The
drama, the addiction, the stimulation, the rules of what “should and
shouldn’t” happen … it’s this egocentric approach towards love that Old
Souls find so unappealing. This adds to the ever-increasing difficulty
of finding love.
11) We come with wounds
Many Old Souls
become the way they are through difficult and traumatic life
circumstances which force the growth of inner maturity. When it comes to
love, it’s vital that we find someone who is mature enough to deal with
the “baggage” we often carry. But this can be hard to find in others.
12) We want more than just sex
Lust,
seduction, and sex are alluring but ultimately momentary and shallow if
obsessed over. While we love sex, we want more than just one night
stands. We want to share our bodies with those that fall in love with
our Souls first, rather than just our physical forms.
13) We’re Free Spirits
The
reason why falling in love is so beautiful is because it expands us: it
unites us with our innate freedom. The moment control is asserted over
such a transcendent experience, we put love in a cage. And every time we
look at that cage, we feel guilty in remembering how free that bird
once was.
Deep down, Old Souls know how vital it is to encourage freedom in
relationships. But it’s hard to find a person who is willing to fly free
as well. Freedom requires courage and the ability to love another
despite what they say, want or do.
The first present I gave Luna was a ring, with the inscription: “Alis volat propriis” (She flies with her own wings).
***
These are just a few of the reasons why so many Old Souls struggle in finding love.
What is your experience as an Old Soul trying to find love? I’d love to hear your stories below.
Discernment is recommended.
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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
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